transitions of fear and obscurity

hello lovelies;
its been amazing to me to know how fear grips me. i'm continuously fighting to be ungripped yet recognising at times that the grip is stronger than ever.

its in that grip that we begin to humanly think that we can ungrip it ourselves; the grip that fear has on us that is. so we try. we find a boy/girl that we like and we may start there. we find a job that we like; and it becomes us. we find betsey johnson or reiss(two of my fav stores) and we begin to spend. we begin to fill ourselves with whatever it is we think will numb the pain; and at the same time; will make us feel our worth, as we don't recognise our worth to the degree we need to. so other things; other people; other circumstances will dictate that for us. i've seen this many times. and i continue to see it in my life.

so what happens when the relationship ends; when the clothes are no fun anymore; when that lovely job lets us down; when whatever it is ends for us in our minds. i suppose many of us have a little cry; and then we start again; by filling ourselves with the same things; or if we are a bit more skeptical, we go for something a bit different at first.

i long to be free of these things as they are utter dependencies that we have created as humans. in being a christian; a follower of jesus; i get painted sometimes with the wrong brush; with the brush of other christians that say "just give it to God, and you can stop it". well, you see; i believe whole heartedly that jesus did say "cast all your burdens on Me". yis, He did say that. how lovely a thought. but jesus also stated that we will have trials, we will not be perfect in this lifetime; so its accepting our shortcomings, but not simply believing things cannot get a bit better despite them. and in some areas--yis, God does and will free us from them. its about really praying and asking God to see things that we don't see; to see beyong this day; this minute; this year; this circumstance we are in; and see that really; this life is unfufilling unless we have a purpose; unless we know that God is directing our steps.

i'm thankful and feel clearly that even when i question the direction of where God is leading me; in prayer i realise that He is. Take time today, and I'm speaking to myself, to really thank God, and also to really go to Him with all the crap you've been going through; and let Him place His love for you in your heart; that you may feel self worth. In doing so, the strivings for things that we so often think are worthwhile, will seem to be so insignificant and petty.

thank you lord for your direction and guiding hand in my life. i'm wanting to serve you more in this life; this starts by loving you and loving others. NOT condemning others or judging them. i think of "christians" who will speak about sin more than love; hate for homosexuals; hate for muslims; hate for those who have sex; can i just say.........you are never going to get anywhere with anyone; unless you start with LOVING them. Jesus didn't condemn the woman who was a prostitute. He said noone can condemn her or throw a rock at her, unless tehy have no sin. Jesus then welcomed her himself, and CARED for her; LOVED her. It's about recognising where people are coming from; not just talking all about how someone who's a christian is doing this, or someone who's not a christian is acting all wrong. for in that; we are losing the love we need for others. i'm speaking to myself as well at times, as gossipping is something that seems to come quite natural to many. in the end however, its so unfufilling and lifeless.

lets search for life; lets find God; and in doing so; we will find an unabounding spring of love for humanity......