i have arrived.

so i've made it. i'm here. in england. its all quite surreal, still. and i'm 2 weeks in.

part of the reason i'm keeping a blog is for a selfish reason...for myself. haha. its kinda cool to see your progress as a person over time, and sometimes i honestly forget how far i've come. right now in life i feel like in some ways i'm 100 steps ahead, and in other areas, as though i'm only a child, learning how to walk. its scary, this world. let me explain, without getting too revealing!


present realities; i'm realizing more and more how unready i am to jump into relationships with others in general, not just romantically. when you leave home, everything is magnified 100 times it seems, especially when you are in a different culture altogether. its like u feel as though ur just coming to grips with all of the ghosts you've kept in your closet, so to speak. i also feel right now that my typing is definitely different than how i would say this if i was actually having a conversation with someone about this, but anyways!

i'm definitely adjusting slowly, and not as quick as i'd hoped. i honestly realised(english spelling!), that this is how i deal with change: I don't deal with it, until it is actually happening. How lovely to know this now. haha. Case and point. I was leaving for england on the 11th of november, and it only hit me that i was leaving really the day of. yis i had been talking about it, and yis i was excited for a new adventure, and yis, God wants me here now. but, the hardest part about leaving, was leaving my home....which is my family. i've grown so close to my family in the past few months as a result of many of my life events, that its almost incredible. i'm so thankful for that. my family has seen the worst parts of me, and they still love me and that feels amazing. it reminds me so much of how God is with us. gosh darn, i don't deserve it. okay, where was i.......ya, so i left my comforts of home. i honestly can say that i'm living much more in poverty now than i ever have. and by that i mean that: the house i live in has a mouse, and my room is just big enough for my bed, and the carpet looks like it hasn't been replaced since they invented carpet. but, nevertheless, i'm living in an old english "house"....if you want to call it a house. haha. but, what i'm trying to say is life is hard. i have no job yet in social work, i've went on 2 interviews so far, and maybe i'll find out this coming week if i will get the one position, ......i'm making new friends here while not remembering how i ever made friends in teh first place. i find it again much easier to make friends with guys, which i know is not what i ultimately want, because i definitely know i'll need close gurls here to help me in this part of my life.

things are also changing in other areas of my life, too many to count, but i feel a bit stagnant yet overwhelmed all at once. sundays are always hard as well....as it is a family day back home.

so im' 24, wanting to be back in elementary school, wanting to still play oustide late in the summertime, and not have a care in the world, while at the same time, i want to feel more grown up and independent...as i make my parents proud.


this blog is a combobulation if i ever knew one. i'll write more when i've got things under control and figured out in my lil head.

enjoy.

my prayer: God, please guide me during this time of complete transition. i want to feel Your guidance and love, and allow me to spread the love u have given me with those u place in my path each day.

cheers,
amber

on the road again...

so i'lll be leaving saturday. craziness. i'm surprised how calm i am now. its unreal. i hope i'm always this calm in england. that would be wonderful.


i will be studying a ton for my interviews for awhile, and then going on an interview soon. it was good to see all of my friends before i left. i feel real closure in leaving buffalo. its like the perfect time to leave. i got to also see my aunt's at breakfast today, and they were so encouraging and excited to see me venture out. all of the chapter's here are closing, but i know new one's will be opening in england. i have so much to learn, and i'm so naive to many things, that i know i will come back changed. and that's exciting as well as scary.

i will speak next....when i am in england!!!!!!!!!!!

if anyone wants to be on my list serv while i am in england and receive my pix's and thoughts every now and again, please let me know your email


ciao

amber