hmmmm

I just read Pastor jerry's E-Musings for the first time today.........very amazing. please check them out at www.jerrygillis.com. And no, he didn't tell me to do that!


so i'm reading cs lewis's auto-bio(as he says, but its sort of not as we know cs goes on tangents). its called "surprised by joy" and the title intrigued me first, well, i guess CS intrigued me first then the title, as we all know cs is great. So me and C-S have a lot in common.

a few commonolaties from his bio:

-He felt england to be cold upon arrival and very harsh feeling;
-He often will think of a memory of a memory but realises that he isn't desiring what is in the memory in terms of the tangible items; ...for example, today i was listening to bing crosby's "white christmas".......(yis, i'm crazy)! , and i didn't want the christmas tree, or the snow, but simply the mere longing for the memory i have associated with past christmas's which i realise can't be duplicated, therefore, i settle for longing for the memory/JOY again.........
-He realises that feelings of pure dissatisfaction allowed him to realise things about life; one being not to trust and put emphasis and meaning to his feelings for then you may end up living in that depression way too long.

So, there is more, but its a real great start to the book, as i didn't know much about C-S's bio before.

so i went to the notting hill festival today and; to give you an idea--my friend and i wanted to leave after about 2 hours as we felt we'd seen it all (food, beer, LOUD caribeean/jamaican music,).....oh, and after inhaling all the weed that was around us, we ended up not ebing able to get to the tube station until about 1 hour and a half after wanting to leave as most tubes were closed----and to top it all off, a jamaican man grabbed me ina crowd and started to grind on me. i think i'm scarred for life from that.........yuk yuk yuk.

well i'm trying to find more meaning in this london; trying to feel more at home, though realising i may never feel more at home.....


will keep you all posted,
love ambs

more combobulations or distractions

So i'm back in the old london. yis, it's quite surreal again, but its much different in a way so far. to start, it was i believe even harder for me in many ways, but also easier in others. i don't feel like going through it all though right now actually!

so what i will say is that it was hard to come back for sure. my job however, has been amazingly OKAY this week and i have such a better perspective on it. I also think its because I have learned not to get stressed out over the little stuff.

so i'm feeling more happy lately, and its all so nice, and its all a blessing i'd say. sometimes we can go through things, and not even realise the state we are in until we see the sunrise afterwards, and then we quickly run towards it not wanting it end.

i miss my family and friends quite a bit, and its quite hard to really have london feel like home for that reason. the other part is i need to make new memories with those i feel really truly apart of in some way, that's very important to me. and then i'll begin to see the scenery in london, and see my memories laid out before me, and then i will smile. hope those days come soon. (don't worry about me, i'll be fine.)

so i'm excited about some new adventures to come, and eager to see God use me more at my workplace --you wouldn't believe how much the job i have is utterly hard, but yet utterly rewarding in many moments. its quite extreme like that. i guess its what you make it, really. i really try to impact others in certain ways even if we can't do anything for them. sometimes its just about that extra time or the intensity of your eyes that express you care.

i tend to think those that have helped me the most in life have just let me be in a moment, and live in that. but who also will express with their eyes perhaps, not even their words, their desire for me to want/do/have/achieve better/more.

i didn't expect this post to be so vague...apologies!

bye my loves for now. chat soon i will!